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killerjeff
I'm the guy who made Jeff the Killer. Send all hate mail to here!

Jeff Case @killerjeff

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killerjeff's News

Posted by killerjeff - May 18th, 2008


To start a house fire you first need to purchase a decent HDTV with a television stand that is barely big enough to hold it. Along with your T.V. you need at least two video game consoles, both equipped with component cables, as well as a 5.1 surround sound system. All of this will ensure you have plenty of wiring to get you started on your house fire.

Next, it's preferable that your computer and television are no more than four inches apart. This way all of those wires by your T.V. can get jumbled up with the wires running out of your computer.

Also, make sure you have a splitter to maximize the amount of wires coming from your video game consoles into your television. We don't want to have to unplug and plug things in over and over again when we can just have it all plugged in at once!

Now that we have all the basics, it's time to place the cables in their appropiate spots. It's best to just toss them all in the corner of your room, inbetween your T.V. and computer, and just leave them as a tangled mess. Don't forget to have at least two power strips full of plugs buried beneath all of your cables. It's also a bonus if the phone line in your house is conveniently placed in your room coming out of your wall, this way you have even more cables in one coagulated spot! As well as all that, it's also fun when your telephone is added to the mess. Nothing is better than having your phone just lay on the ground because you can't put it anywhere else. If you try putting it on the desk it will just get yanked right back off to the ground because of all the wires tangled around it, so you just let it lay nestled on the floor.

And, for the grand finale, to make sure everything will burn properly, you need to live in a house with wiring dating back to 1957. Old wiring is always a must. If you don't lose power at least once a week and have to go out to the cold ass garage and fuck with the breaker, then your wiring isn't old enough. To find out if you have old wiring all you need to do is turn on all the televisions in your house and start up a vacuum. If your power doesn't die, then your wiring isn't old enough.

These are just some of my tips on how to start a good house fire. Feel free to experiment and find your own fun ways. Just make sure that when your house fire DOES happen, that you are prepared for it with a jolly smile on your face, as you, your family, and all the belongings you spent way too much fucking money on burn to oblivion :)


2

Posted by killerjeff - April 17th, 2008


Let me guess, you think that just because you think you are the best thing that was ever born, that you should become mod.
Well sorry to burst your bubble, its not happening so just quit before it gets worse.
And then you get to the point where you send me homosexual pictures of your self being naked, and claim that its a lie when I expose your secret messages to everyone. Now look its realy uncalled for, and I think that you should stop by passing my block on the Private Message page.

And for all who don't know who I'm talking about. it is about LastSpartan.

Cheers mate. . . Cheers. . .

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1

Posted by killerjeff - April 10th, 2008


Stork.Stork (voiced by Scott McNeil) is the carrier pilot of the Storm Hawks, and as such does not actively fly with the rest of the squadron, nor does he wish to for that matter. He states in the pilot that his tenure with the Storm Hawks will only last "until something better comes along.". Stork is a 20 year old Merb, a species of green-skinned humanoids that inhabit Terra Merb, an environment where natural disasters are constantly occurring, possibly accounting for Stork's personality.

Apparently a product of his home, Stork is paranoid of everyone and everything that could potentially harm him and the squadron. As such, Stork expects doom from every encounter to the point that, in his first battle, he begins filling out his own will, only to discard it upon realizing that all his possessions are on board the ship and thus would be destroyed along with him. Stork's paranoia results in extreme pessimism, as he often disregards any possibility of survival or finds the most depressing way in which to express the odds of surviving an encounter. He's also a hypochondriac, often complaining of an apparently growing yet never visible rash or some other ailment.

Stork's paranoia does have benefits, however, since he's a brilliant inventor. His devices, though never used as intended, are often incredibly useful or life-saving. For example, he invented a pair of x-ray binoculars, which he had designed to locate brain tumors. Stork also displays extreme ingenuity and resourcefulness during "The Code", in which he builds a versatile motorcycle from a pile of scrap within moments. He also has numerous traps set up about the ship, which the others criticize; they inevitably turn out useful, further validating Stork's paranoia.

Stork is a gifted pilot, capable of pulling off precision maneuvers with the Condor. For example, in the pilot episode he is able to successfully fly the Condor through the Wastelands, a stunt considered crazy to do for single pilots, much less an entire carrier. Stork apparently feels much more at home in the ship than anywhere else to the point that he dislikes leaving it if at all possible. It's also where he retreats to at the first opportunity. He's much more confident while on the ship, enough so to single-handedly fight the Raptors when they board it using the onboard traps. When the Condor is swallowed whole by a terra-sized creature in the episode "Leviathan", Stork suffers from a condition known as Sky Shock, going through a number of strange phases before taking on the personality (and stereotypical accent) of a pirate and fighting to free the ship, only to suffer the final phase of memory loss after doing so.

Stork also invented his own personalized ride, the Stork-Mobile, for the Storm Hawks' excursion into the Forbidden City. The Stork-Mobile features a number of safety devices of Stork's own design; these include a booby-trap detector, indestructible tires, a roll bar, parachutes, anti-lock brakes, 52 independent external airbags, and an ejector seat (Stork insists "you always need an ejector seat" which, like all his inventions, turns out to be useful). Despite its appearance, the Stork-Mobile can fly: the front wheels form two secondary rotors, the main rotor emerges from a compartment behind the seat, and the two rear wheels form the tail rotor.


Posted by killerjeff - March 30th, 2008


Dead guy

this is


1

Posted by killerjeff - March 26th, 2008


"I was mistaken for a mortal." Growled the shadow figure.
"It won't happen again, I'll make sure of it."
"Then prove to me that this soul will be tormented." Exlaimed the other figure.

I was awoken by a noise that sounded like a backfire of a vehicle, I was shaking in bed hoping it was a waking dream. But I still went to go take a look, I grabbed my revolver from the head of my bed, just in case I needed to use it. I opened the door slowly so whatever was out there would not be alerted to my presence.

I looked down the stairs silently then walked down, I saw this shadow in the corner of my eye, I quickly looked at door way to my kitchen but no one was there.

"What the hell?" I whispered walking slowly to the dark kitchen, as I got to the kitchen I started to hear whispering and hearts pounding, I was starting to panic, I started to shake even more, as I turned around this shadow ran across from me from the stairway to the front door. I started to yell "WHO'S THERE?!?" no one replied, I loaded my gun then ran to the area where the figure ran at.

I saw the shadow standing in front of the door, it was facing the door, I was starting to panic "I have a gun, explain your self. . . n-now." I said bewildered. the figure turned around in a split second facing me. I froze in place, I pointed the gun at the figure and shot the gun at the shadow's feet. the shadow started to laugh in a satanic voice. I tried to run but I couldn't, I looked down to find out that my feet was somehow mixed with the ground, I yelled for help until my mouth was automaticly sewn shut. I shot more bullets into the creature, it waved it's arm and my gun melted right into my hand, the burning pain was horrible my flesh was falling of my hand.

after I got over the pain the figure started to talk "you are in the past, the man behind you lies. don't listen to him." the figure suddenly dissapered. the curse that was put on me has vanished, I turned around and this face was two inches a way from my face, it started to yell then everything went dark. . .

CHAPTER ONE, THE AWAKEN SOUL.
I woke up gasping, I sat on my bed looking around cooly. " oh man, what a dream." I said happily. I got up and walked outside my bedroom, I looked at the main door while walking down the stairs. I triped on a hole while going towards the door, I thought about the dream of where my feet was melted to the floor. I just said "ha, this dream is getting me paranoid." so I walked out the door. my house was real huge, infact its the second most expensive house in the united states. it is real nice looking, and it is a maze of a house.

I live in a three hundred acre land with only three neibors. it was winter, the snow was three inches deep. I was walking to my shed to get my machete to cut wood for the fireplace, because it was very cold, I went inside to get my jacket, I got in it then contiued to start working. I cutted a piece of wood off the tree. "if only you had an axe." I looked up and saw my friend edward, he was tall with green eyes, and with black hair. "yeah, but this works to" I said cooly.
"so whats this your doing?" asked edward. "I'm just getting some firewood."
I replied "don't you have a heater?"
"yes, why?" questioned edward. "because I'm cold dude." I said.
"do you want it?" asked edward. "no can I come in your house" I asked.
"sure, you must be freezing your ass off in that house huh?" said edward.

I nodded, as we got in his house he turned on his xbox360. I was just sitting there looking out the window thinking about the dream. I was thinking in my head "could that dream be a sign, of whats coming? I've heard rumors of my house being haunted. could it be. . ." "hey jeff." interupted edward. "want to play halo three?" "no thanks man." I replied. I walked to the bathroom, I washed my face then looked up and said "I'm okay, I'm okay." I came to the living room and sat down on the couch. edward paused the game and looked up "whats the matter? you seem like you had a bad night." said edward.
"as a matter of fact I did." I answered. " it was like this. . . I woke up over a loud noise, I was scared dude. so I walked down the stairs, and hear the fucked up sounds right. I'm standing in the kitchen, scared for my life. until this shadow zoomed across from me. oh yes I had a gun too. as I shoot at it, it gets mad and basicly tourchers me, then I look behind me and BOOM I die." edward looked suprised "wow thats fucked up." he said.

so we played some games, as it got late I went home. it was dark inside so I turned on the lights, I turned on the tv to watch some cartoons.
I fell asleep on the couch, until it happened. I was falling into a deep hole where water was, I was falling for three hundred seconds until I hitted the bottom. under water there was a rotting corpse of a giant. I swam to this doorway like cave, the more I gotten farther in the cave the less deeper the water was. as I cound run, I saw this girl in a school uniform. she asked me for her help as I came closer I woke up. it was 3:00am. the phone was ringing, I ran to the phone to answer it. "who could be calling me at this time?" I thought.
I answerd it "before you were born, I saw the floating woman in the library."
I hung up and ran out the door, I ran to my car and found out that the keys were in the ignition.

"oh thank god." I said starting the car. the floating woman appeared at my porch. I started to yell "OH FUCK!" as the car started, I drove off the drive way was dark I was real paranoid. in a flash I could see a man hitch hiking, I drove on. the car started to stop, as it did the woman skimmed on my car I fainted. I woke up on the couch of my house, it turned out a day did not even pass. I decied to go to my friend's house. I was beginning to think I was losing my sanity, as I rushed pass the trees to edward's house, I was hoping this was not real or it could mean death to me and my friend.

I looked into the window of his house, he was playing halo 3 once more. I knocked on the door, edward came out with weed in his hand "hey jeff I'm going on a halo quest with fatty here, wanna join the cause. . . uhhh?" said edward staggering. "later, also can I crash with you?" I asked. "I'am still getting nightmares from that hell house." edward looked back in his house, "yer, sure but you gots to sleep on the pallet man." he replied. "if you say so." I said walking into the house.

"you know, I don't like germs on my couch or bed." said edward.
I looked at the clock "3:33 already?" I said suprised. "its getting dark."
"rumors are rumors jeff." said edward annoyed. "here. . . smoke this."
edward handed me a one pound joint. "I don't smoke weed." I said handing it back to him. "it gets you jacked up."
edward sat down on the ground in front of the tv and unpaused the game. "fine dude but. . . if. . . you want to smoke here it is setting on the table." edward said pointing to the table.
I looked at the unused controler setting under the xbox360. "how about I face you in juggernaut?" I asked.
edward looked at me then grinned "fuck you. . . sure."
the hours passed till it hit 8:00pm, I slept on the pallet while edward slept on the couch. "hey edward?" I asked.
edward looked down "don't call me that call me ed okay?" said edward.
"sure, but can I ask you something?" I said.
"okay what?" said edward.
"if I start to move around, wake me up okay?" I said.
"fine." said edward as he turned over and went back to sleep.

I closed my eyes and for a moment this message was telling me to wake up the soul. what could it mean was it just nothing? all this sudden I could see my neighborhood from a bird's eye point of view, I was flying over my house into the window of my bedroom, down the stairs, to the library as I stopped in the middle of the library this book floated to me and opened up and the pages turn quickly to this page of a woman with horrifing features. then another person,
until it got to me my picture was real horroifing I looked evil, under my picture was unborn. as the book closed the cover said "faces of death."
this man appeared holding the book, he wore pure black leather, and a face mask. "who was this man? what does he want?"
the mysterious man dropped the book and flew up the spiraling staircase.

I followed the man, as I got half way up the staircase the same face from my dream appeared again. I could not breath, all I heard was screaming, the face talked to me real fast and brief, "don't stray to far, the tunnel lies ahead."
the face said. after it faded, I saw a dark tunnel ahead of me.
until I woke up.
the pallet was wet with sweat, edward was asleep on the ground. I was getting worried that I could be connected to something that could harm or even murder me. so I decided to find out whats going on.
"what the fuck was all that shit jeff?" yelled edward.
I looked back, "did I do something?" I asked comfused.
"you were running around the house talking in latin." said edward. "and it did not scare me."
I looked at the door in confusion. "what do you mean latin?" I said.

edward started to look worried and frightend. "so. . . if you were sleep walking then. . . you spoke latin, did you ever got taught in latin?" asked edward.
"why no. I have not, look you probaly just thought I was speaking in a forgein language." I said relieved.
edward was still shooken up, "what about the running?" edward said in a stern tone.
"err, dude I don't know, I guess I do have a sleep walking issue." I reasured him.
he started to calm down. "yeah, just a phase." edward said patting his couch.
I looked out the window, seeing the bright sun I squinted my eyes "yeah, edward just a phase, anyway I'll go to my house." I said walking slowly backwards.
edward waved "alright see ya later."

I walked back home in the some how deeper snow, the sun was oddly shining very bright, and it was also hot and cold at the same time. I walked up to my porch and sat down in my chair that was facing the view of the snowy forest. I looked around thinking about driving to town, so I decided to take a drive "after all the drive might calm my nerves." I thought getting in the car.

I started the car, but it took a few trys to get it started, by the time it got started I was getting concerned about that dream. "I should just stop worrying, just a dream!" a whispered to myself. the visions were vivid and disturbing, but I merely just shook my head. I drove my car off already passing edward's house. the dirt and rocky road was along way to the vacant neighborhood. so I got the chance to put on some music. I was enjoying the time to drive my car, the snow flowing seemed to ease me more.

the road started to fog up and the trees started to get closer to the path, I was getting a little creeped out, all I did was drive a bit quicker, the sounds of the wilderness got louder and started to echo more.

the car started to over heat and the fog got thicker, in fact I could not see a thing, only white. tree branches started to hit the car, and red mist started to form around the car when ever I got deeper, I started to shake in horror telling myself "oh shit is this real?!?" I was mortified to stop the car, as I feared that a unknown beast could ram my car, the sounds of a sheep started to make it's way into my car. I then pushed the accelration pedal to it's maxuim.

the ground started to fog up, I looked up into the sky I saw the sun, then these red letters appeared on the sun the letters said
"don't look back."
I had a close to death shock. this head of a snake like humanoid came right beside me, I looked at the horrorific sight, in a split second the snake like man was on the hood of my car, I jumped out of the moving car going about 170miles per hour.

I awoke in edward's drive way, edward was standing in front of me. "jeff are you playing around?" asked edward. "you like making snow angels?"
I got up quickly, "yes I'am." I replied.
edward looked like he was going to laugh. "jeff? have you been taking drugs?" laughed edward.
I started to become tired all of the sudden, "no, I was just enjoying the snow."
I said in a rough voice.
edward looked at me real closely "good thing I'm not rotting."
I looked at my arm, my flesh was rotten to the point of two years, I looked up and saw that a skeleton was standing before me, a huge siren was going off.
then everything was back to normal.
"good thing your not huh?" said edward.
I looked real closely in shock "yes, indeed, hey dude, I feel tired I'm going to rest awhile ok?" I said getting up.
"alright see ya later, once again." said edward walking away.

I walked inside my house, putting away my jacket on the coat rack that was right by the front door. my eyes were heavy, and I wanted to fall where I stood.

the time was 2:08pm, so I just sat on the couch, and turned on the tv.
five minutes later, I was barely awake, so I fell asleep. I awoke in the middle of the night knowing that something scary might happen to me.
"damn, this is not good." I said in a stern tone. "I better get out of this house."
I ran to the front door as quickly as possible, I opened the door, but I scraped my leg at the edge of the door.
I got over the pain before stepping onto the lower step of my porch, thinking to myself that maybe I'm just over reacting. but I took no chances.

the hours passed, the wind was blowing cold air, and making howling sounds.
even though I was a little spooked by the fact that the howling may not be the wind, nevertheless I was focused on getting warm, so I gave up.

I slowly opened the door, I peeked in there. gladly every thing looked normal, the tv was still on aswell.
I calmly turned on the light switch and closed the door, although I was still on my guard.
the air inside was oddly warm, until I noticed the air vents blowing hot air. my heart was pounding out of paranoia; I went off to bed.

the sun was now visible, and the shine of the sun lit up my bedroom. out of all nothing odd happened. "all I needed was some sleep!" I assumed getting out of bed.
I rushed to the kitchen to get drink, I took a carton of milk and drank out of it, I then gagged on the milk that turned out to be spoiled. "what the hell happen to the milk?" I said looking around in the fridge. every thing in the fridge was rotten. I was upset, "how did this happen, I don't remember unplugging the fridge." I said in a tone looking behind the fridge.

I plugged the fridge back up, I grabbed a jacket to walk outside.
the snow has gotten even deeper than before, and more trees started to grow around my house. although they were very extravagant, so I decided to climb up the tree.
I walked up to tree and started to climb, it was difficult to climb, as they were pine trees,
so I just quited and went in the back yard, I found a spade buried in the snow, I studied the spade seeing if its mine and of course it was. the snow started to go another direction, because of the wind blowing.

I rushed inside my house, until I was tripped by the small hole in the floor.
"I have to be more careful." I said getting up.
to kill time I could look around my house, because my home is real huge on the inside.
as the hours passed I dozed off to sleep on the bed, and the time was only 10:36am.
the dream has arrived.

Alright, this is the first chapter of the story, and I will do a next chapter soon.
Give me a review on what you think about the story.


Posted by killerjeff - February 26th, 2008


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