To start a house fire you first need to purchase a decent HDTV with a television stand that is barely big enough to hold it. Along with your T.V. you need at least two video game consoles, both equipped with component cables, as well as a 5.1 surround sound system. All of this will ensure you have plenty of wiring to get you started on your house fire.

Next, it's preferable that your computer and television are no more than four inches apart. This way all of those wires by your T.V. can get jumbled up with the wires running out of your computer.

Also, make sure you have a splitter to maximize the amount of wires coming from your video game consoles into your television. We don't want to have to unplug and plug things in over and over again when we can just have it all plugged in at once!

Now that we have all the basics, it's time to place the cables in their appropiate spots. It's best to just toss them all in the corner of your room, inbetween your T.V. and computer, and just leave them as a tangled mess. Don't forget to have at least two power strips full of plugs buried beneath all of your cables. It's also a bonus if the phone line in your house is conveniently placed in your room coming out of your wall, this way you have even more cables in one coagulated spot! As well as all that, it's also fun when your telephone is added to the mess. Nothing is better than having your phone just lay on the ground because you can't put it anywhere else. If you try putting it on the desk it will just get yanked right back off to the ground because of all the wires tangled around it, so you just let it lay nestled on the floor.

And, for the grand finale, to make sure everything will burn properly, you need to live in a house with wiring dating back to 1957. Old wiring is always a must. If you don't lose power at least once a week and have to go out to the cold ass garage and fuck with the breaker, then your wiring isn't old enough. To find out if you have old wiring all you need to do is turn on all the televisions in your house and start up a vacuum. If your power doesn't die, then your wiring isn't old enough.

These are just some of my tips on how to start a good house fire. Feel free to experiment and find your own fun ways. Just make sure that when your house fire DOES happen, that you are prepared for it with a jolly smile on your face, as you, your family, and all the belongings you spent way too much fucking money on burn to oblivion :)