Some radical theorists speculate that Morrowind does indeed contain a plot. If it did contain a plot, which it might have, it might have went like this. You are the main character, and you used to live in fitness but in the middle of the night, you were taken from your apartment because you were too dirty to be seen during the 2008 Olympics. So during the night, Chris Farley and his men take you from Bejing China,and escort you onto a prison boat with Mike Jones, and you are an Illegal immigrant going to Morrowind. In the middle of the night you are having a somewhat prophetic dream, dreaming of having sex with Jessica Alba while drawing animal shapes in the mud, when you are about smell her ass, she is about to tell you where your hand is. But you are disturbed and awoken by Jiub, your prison buddy and life partner. He tells you the boat has stopped. You get off the boat, freed from imprisonment by the string pulling of a distant and obscure emperor and go through the painfully slow creation process. Socucius, with his peculiar face model and annoying voice, decides you shall be a Warrior, as it is the only class you can power level. When you walk through the door Socucius tells you not to take the dagger and lock pick, or he would have to be the next Tax-man (Slang term for Cliff racer bait) Having knowledge of this, you slowly sprint to the room of where the two "needed' items- weapons are. When you spotted the lock pick you struggle to pick it up be cause your crosshair won't hold still. As soon as you managed to grab it, you see the dagger, it had a note under it. It reads "Be sher to sharpin tis nife." in noobish, now in english it reads "I'll stop by tommorow to pick up my dagger, if I find out that a man named Liu has stolen it, I'll kill you." Not caring you equip it. Then you go into the court yard and have a phycidellic hallutionation of Yoda telling you to use the force and get that damn ring from that barrel, finaly, you do so to get that ringing out of your head. You study the ring and the name Faggot is engraved on it, you then find out that you have misread the engravement that realy said Fargoth. Soon after you go inside another room, and you meet this man named Sellus Gravius. A stereo typical 1930s police man, his favorite catch phrase is "You got the goods toots?" He will ask you all sorts of questions and riddles. When you figure them out, he will get pissed of and give you a release fee of 87 gold, the package itself, and more detailed instructions which turn out to be utter bullshit and is best to be ignored, the package will read "If you don't leave the Census and Excise office, it is possible to kill all three people inside without receiving any punishment. If you leave, however, you will be treated normally for all crimes you commit." Before you go outside Sellus will promply tell you to wave good-bye to him or he will not let you out, He also mentions that someone in the South Wall Cornerclub should know where to locate Cosades. Doing so will allow you to exit his sweat shop.

After six hours you finaly go outside, the town is dirty and full of Immigrants, you start to curse under your breath. Soon after a craze red headed man named Vodunius Nuccius will call out "You seem lost." He'll then offer you a tour around the town, its best to choose yes, because if you choose no he'll complain about feeling his teeth and its a wonder why how hasn't gagged on his teeth yet. When you accept his offer he'll give you 1000 gold and reasonable gossip rumors that make you chuckle when on the left side of the trail. At one point it is considered that he has practiced beastiality on Mudcrabs behind the lighthouse when boasting about doing insane stunts to get in the show Maxuim exposeure. When he is finished showing you around the town it is night and you happen to be on a small island not far from Seyda Neen, you thank him and start walking away, he then hastefully considers you to stay with him just in case dracula chokes your foot. You accept in fear and because you do not want to look like a complete douche bag. During that time while Vodunius is starting up the camp fire, you think about what your girlfriend is doing, but decide to kill her and her new boyfriend later. You walk to see Vodunius's progress of the fire, but he only managed to get an amber, even so he blowed real hard that his face started to get beet red, You forcefully grab him and tell him to take it easy because you remembered that many good friends of yours died that way, and that you are not comfortable with whispering corpses talking to you. Vodunius will tell you to take it easy, he covered wars you know. You calm down and day dream some more about satanic thoughts, later on your stomach growls and you ask Vodunius is theres any thing to eat. He doesn't reply so you ask again, you still get no response, so you call his name and look up to see where hes at, but you don't see him and assume hes taking a shit. You wait for like 10 seconds then you started to get worried and interesed,you start to look for him then you put your hand by your mouth and yell out his name. You stopped for a response and yet again he didn't answer. You go deeper into the swampy woods and hear laughing coming from behind a tree, you follow the sound and see that Vodunius is getting high and with out you. you ask him "What the hell are you getting high off of?" Vodunius holds up a large shroom in 15in 3lbs. You get highly amazed and ask if you can hit dat shit. Vodunius hands you one, you sit by him chewing on that bad boy.

Vodunius talks about his childhood, when his father thought that he was gay because he refused to kill his mother and that if he doesn't cut himself he'll get an ass pounding. You laugh at the thought of the beating then say "Yeah I'd pay to see that." Vodunius then jabs you in the face, You still laugh because you're too baked to realise that your nose is bleeding. Vodunius will then start to giggle uncontrolably. You join along with him until he sees a image. he stops and you stop after he bowed up at you, he starts to look around and you ask him whats wrong, he mutters Dracula. You tell him that its just the five shrooms he eat, he still thinks that Dracula is out there, infact he keeps saying it until you start to believe. Now you and him both are frightened, Vodunius starts to huddle up and cuddle you, feeling akward you start to blush, he explains that the reason why Dracula wants to get him is because he killed his father, Vodunius holds you tighter because he can feel a branch on his back thinking its Dracula. at that moment he faints and you get very annoyed, you roll your eyes and carry him back to camp which is ten yards away.

You wake Vodunius up by splashing skooma on his face, at first he will lick the skooma off then he'll wake up, you explain to him what just happen and ask what time it is. Vodunius will check his watch and say 11:02pm, you and him decide its best to go back to Seyda neen. Vodunius stops by the lighthouse and says that he can't stay here much longer, Dracula is going to kill him unless he goes to China, you tell him that you were sent to china to compete for the 2008 olypics. He tells you that you have been real nice and kind to him, you tell him good luck but he needs travel money, he offers you a Cursed ring and tells you its a Charmed ring you ask how much does he need and he replys 50,000 dollars. You jump at the cost and shout what, Vodunius then says that he was just joking laughingly. "Only 100 dollars. . . what do ya say?" You think about it. Vodunius quickly adds "Be a good Samaritan and buy the ring; the money might help Nuccius achieve a little happiness." You give in to his puppy dog eyes. After giving him the money he thanks you a bunch of times and kisses you. in a brotherly way, not the gay way. Vodunius gives you a slip to a place called Arrille's Tradehouse. You are greatful and thank vodunius, he will say to speak to a guy named Arrille, "tell him that Vodunius sent you" after his saying he walks of towards the Silt Strider waving at you, you wave back and walk inside the tradehouse.

When you enter the Tradehouse this big nasty yellow man rudely askes you what the fuck do you want. you hand him a slip and say Vodunius sent me, the yellow man stops and stares at you as if you commited murder, everyone else including Chuck Norris stares at you too. You get comfused and say what, a drunken man named Raflod the Braggart walks forward and says, "Hes a escaped serial killer." You then get real surprised and sit down, the yellow man comes up stairs to talk to you about the sudden suprise. He tells you that his name is arrille by the way. you tell him your name and he complements your name you thank him and he tells your how Vodunius became a murder.

Finally you go to a drunk, old retard named Caius Casades, who has a mild drug problem and also has alstimers disease, even though he calls it anderson's disease, and for some reason keeps insisting you sleep in his bed. For about a year you work pointless jobs collecting a strange box for a guy with chronic masturbation, collecting a skull for a necrophiliac, rescuing a kitten from the sewers, saving an asian lizard from some rascists, and busting a librarian out of a library. After doing all these peculiar jobs, you go back to Mr. Cosades in his creepy little hut, for the first time in a year after an awkward sexual encounter, and he grabs your sholder dramaticly tells you that you are Jesus Christ, the lord and savior. As soon as you hear that sentence you immediately go insane, believing you are Indoril Nerevar, the Lord and savior. But no one believes you because their too busy telling you to fuck off because your an outlander. They kick you out of Balmora, and you are left to wander the painstakingly long and boring roadways of Vvardenfel, a dumpish little island with a volcano in the middle, now you want to go back to China, but boats were out-lawed two days ago. So you decide that suicide is the best choice, you try to kill your self but you keep reloading. You then fall asleep under the bridge of Balmora, and have a disturbing dream about Hitler taking over morrowind. You wake up to a midget poking you with a stik, you run him off with a yard stick and stop to think about becoming a hero. so you just accept the fact that hitler must be stopped. After spending a couple of years on those infernal roads, you make your way to an Ashlander tribe. Since they are a bunch of primitive savages, that have been smoking skooma for way too long, they actually believe you are the Nerevarine.

To prove yourself to them you must go on difficult missions, through a cave full of dead people and the necrophiliac you saw earlier, and kill the last remaining character from daggerfall, to cover up how shit Morrowind's prequel was. After that Caius meets you at the tribal village and tells you to explore a cave full of Scientologist cultists. The rabid bastards attack you on sight because they think you are against their religion. After you kill the humorus fiends that you somehow regret killing. You are then attaked by Rosie o' Donald, and you lose your finger, you fight a ferice battle with a ferice looking monster, when you defeat Rosie Old' Donald she'll fall on the ground, jiggle and cast a Chenbyllism spell apon you. You go batshit and start smashing her face up with a shovel repeately. as soon as you stop she vanishes into green fowl smelling smoke. You cough and gag at the stench of Rosie, and run out the cave, you go to a near by village needing medical attention about the Chenbyllism.

No one believes you, because they are too busy throwing rascist insults at you for being a leader of these crazy bastards, you contract Chenobyllism. You go back and tell Caius, and he takes a ship back to China to help with the Olympics, as soon as he hears the news. He wants to run away, you diseased bastard, get away!

So after this you go to Bill Gates's mansion at Tel Fear, and you pay him all the money you got from Sellus Gravyus at Seyda Neen. he informs you that he needs his scissors back from Jerry Seinfeild, who won it in a stand up comedy bet. You ask where he is and Bill Gates will say in his basement, You go into his maze of a basement and meet a fat guy who claims to be the Last of the Mohicians. And you meet Jerry, you find that Jerry is eating his own legs, he tells you "Whats the deal with airline food?" You have to get the question right, if not he'll die and you will have to endure a Prostate exam. You go with "It has a atmospher of pixar and plastic." He then gives you the scissors, you give the scissors back to Bill Gates. He performs the operation that can cure you, but it killed all his other subjects, because he kept on dropping the scissors. But it works, and you continue along your merry way to the tribal village. you are given your second mission, to Kogoruhn (A.K.A Tom Cruise's House) and you slaughter some more crazy bastards. When you return to the village they announce you as the Nerevarine, but you must prove you are Nerevarine to the Great Houses and The Tribes.

So you become Whoretator, uniting Lindsay, Paris and Nicole, now they are all little whorey friends. After this you get proclaimed Nerevarine by the Tribes, giving them free beer and Mcdonald's vouchers. Now you are the Nerevarine. Now you have the right to use the Construction Set, and slaughter everything with God mode. Whilst sleeping, you are contacted by Dagoth Ur, a magician/hippy stuck in Red Mountain, The Scientologist Fortress of the World. He asks that you save him from the Scientologists. Then you climb all the way to the top of the mountain, fighting deformed Chernobyl survivors and Scientologists. You meet Dagoth Ur. He takes off his golden flower mask and reveals himself as Hitler. Since your shit xbox has fucked Morrowind over, you decide to kill him, the only way you can do this is by destroying his personal computer, which he named "the Heart of Lorkhan". You grab Seening and Kunder that you randomly found lying on the ground, run at his Heart and smash the living crap out of it. With this, Hitler is destroyed, and the Hallway cost has ended. Microsoft is dead. With that done, Vvardenfel hasn't changed one little bit, and the game comes to a pointless ending. The Scientologists have been destroyed, proclaimed as "CRAZY BASTARDS!" by Urine Septic.

Two weeks later, you are back at your hut, in Morrowind not China thinking about setting a campsite up, although people keep telling you that imperials can't camp and that they are piece of shit fucks, that act like snobbish fagglets who fight in packs and always have to bring the law into everything. You get mad and storm back inside your hut and cry. People haven't even noticed that you saved their asses from Hitler, but you don't care because you are better than them at going in and out of places. You decide to fall asleep and fantisize about being a fetus inside a sexy woman's body, The door then slowly opens and you stop and look over, there is an assassan stealing your toys and soul gems. You close your eyes and feel a tounge coming from your ear to your neck, its the assassin, taking over things with gay plessure. The assassin starts to sing to you about how much he loves you, a boner starts to tickle your butt-cheek. You jump up, in suprise the assassin thought you were dead. You manage to kill him in one strike because you got better and more skilled at fighting, you unmask the assassin and find out that its jiub's gay brother. Jib. You find a note on his body you read it and realise. . . "Yet. another adventure is sure to come."

Morrowind